The Wrath of Zoda
by Anguirus111
Summary: AU: How I feel Episode I should've been. Zoda, Obi-Wan, and Kit Fisto are ordered to save Naboo from the Trade Federation.
1. No worries on Naboo

            This is the first time I've done an introduction explaining things for a story, but I feel that it is prudent and somewhat necessary.  The main character's name is Zoda (I apologize if someone has already come to the conclusion of having a Zoda character in their story, but mine is most likely different).  Zoda is Yoda's nephew and he's 300 years old and a bit universe weary.  Zoda is not very patient and can be quick to anger when dealing with the Jedi Council.  He's not sith, but he occasionally walks that fine line, kind of like Anakin.  He isn't on the best of terms with Yoda and Yoda disagrees with some of his actions, but tolerates him.  Like Qui-Gon, he could've been on the Jedi Council, but because of his actions and his lack of respect for most of the council's decisions, he isn't on it.  Zoda is somewhat of a lightsaber aficionado and he has several.  His technique in lightsaber battles varies and he knows all forms, but isn't extremely proficient in one of them.  His main lightsaber is known as the quantum tri-fecta lightsaber.  It looks basically like this with the = being the handle and the --- representing the blade: ---=---=--- so basically it's like a dual edged lightsaber with a lightsaber in the middle of it.  He uses it on rare occasions and generally duels with two dueling sabers and deflects lasers with a regular lightsaber.  That's about it, the only things else is that Zoda has a speech impediment causing him to speak in coherent sentences.  This is slightly comedic.

Note: Padme is Obi-Wan's age in this fic.

Star Wars: Infinities: When Movies Collide

            A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far, Far Away…

Coruscant: The traffic to enter the planet was just like always: hell.  With so many ships coming and going, it was a wonder that more ships didn't collide with one another.  In his Jedi Starfighter, Zoda cursed as he barely avoiding smashing into a Bulk Freighter that wasn't in its assigned corridor of travel.  Zoda swerved back in forth in his agile fighter as he entered into Coruscant's atmosphere.  Again more vessels came out of nowhere and blazed their horns as Zoda finally settled into a corridor of traffic flying towards the Jedi Temple.

            "_It's been 300 years, and still I'm running errands for the powers that be.  I swear one of these days I'm just going to quit the order,_" thought Zoda.  He sighed at this thought as he'd been telling himself that almost every day.  Zoda finally pulled a couple of gut wrenching turns before arriving at the temple.  He landed on the movable platform with a thud and exited his ship to the ranting of his R5 unit.

            "Whatever Depot, I've got my own problems.  Just get this thing ready to go.  After fighting off those Trandoshan's, I think this thing is on the verge of falling apart," said Zoda.  Depot gave him a raspberry and began accessing the automated repair system.  Zoda walked through the large repair bay and into the temple's hallways.  He began grumbling to himself as various Jedi passed by.  Zoda was just about to enter a turbolift when he encountered Obi-Wan Kenobi.

            "Hello Master Zoda," said Obi-Wan.  Zoda looked up at him.

"I haven't seen you in ages Obi-Wan, how long has it been?" asked Zoda entering the lift.

"Give or take 10 years," said Obi-Wan.  Zoda chuckled.

"Back when you were a still wet behind the ears apprentice under Yoda's tutelage.  You could barely handle a training saber.  I see you've come a long way in the ways of lightsaber battling.  Hell you could probably beat me," admitted Zoda.

"Yeah well," said Obi-Wan trying not to blush.  Then the intercom came to life in the turbolift.

"Would Zoda please report to the council," said the intercom.

"Sithspit!  I just got here and they're already breathing down my neck!" yelled Zoda banging the wall of the turbolift in frustration.

"Have you always been at odds with the council?" asked Obi-Wan.

"Yes, ever since I became a Jedi.  I don't know if it's just me or maybe because my uncle is the head of the council.  Either way, we haven't seen eye to eye for a very long time," said Zoda.

"Somewhat like Qui-Gon," said Obi-Wan, regarding some scuffles Qui-Gon had had with the council in the past.

"Yep, just like Qui-Gon.  Speaking of which, where is he?" asked Zoda.

"He came down with the flu on our latest mission.  He'll be fine in a week," said Obi-Wan.

"Well, send him my regards," said Zoda as the turbolift rumbled to a halt.

"I will," said Obi-Wan.  Zoda cocked his head and left into the room with the council.  He quickly plastered on a fake smile as he entered into the center of the Jedi Masters.

"Treat us with respect you should.  Take the smile off your face you must," said Yoda.  Zoda growled and held up a book by a leather strap.

"I hope you're happy.  You have no idea what it took for me to get this," said Zoda.  He put the mud-caked book of the floor and kicked it over to Yoda, leaving a trail of mud across the clean floor.  Yoda looked vaguely annoyed while Mace Windu merely sighed.

"Now if that's all, I'll be leaving," said Zoda heading towards the turbolift where Obi-Wan was merely watching the debacle.

"Not so fast," said Yoda.

"Oy Pah Nagoya," said Zoda in defeat.  He slowly turned around marched to the center of the room.  

"What did I do this time?" he asked.

"On the contrary, it's what you didn't do," said Ki-Adi-Mundi.

"You lost me on that one," said Zoda.

"In you last mission, you were told to use diplomatic means to obtain this book of the Jedi that had been stolen by the Trandoshans," said Mace.

"I did!" said Zoda.

"If you think that battling a dozen Trandoshans with your lightsabers count as diplomatic means, then you'd be right.  But it isn't!" shouted Plo Koon.

"It's called forced negations.  You know, when you use a lightsaber.  Those trandoshans weren't going to give up that book in a million years and I didn't want to bother negotiating with them.  I got the book back and those thieves got what they deserved, end of story," said Zoda.

"Not end of story.  You're clearly lacking in ambassadorial skills and you need some.  That's why this new mission requires an ambassador and is of vital importance.  Today we were informed by Chancellor Valorum that Naboo has been blockaded by the Trade Federation in dispute over taxation of various trade routes," said Windu.

"So?  How is this my problem?  I don't own a shipping company.  Clearly the Federation feels they are justified in what they're doing.  I don't see what I'm going to be able to do," said Zoda.

"You're going to negotiate things with the Federation and coerce them into leaving.  But to make sure that you'll do your job, we'll be assigning other Jedi to your mission.  Obi-Wan Kenobi!" said Windu.  Obi-Wan shocked, stepped forward.

"Yes Masters?" asked Obi-Wan incredulously.

"Accompany Zoda, you and Qui-Gon will," said Yoda.

"There might be a problem, you see Qui-Gon is suffering from the flu, he'll pull through in a week though," said Obi-Wan helplessly.

"I see.  Then assign Kit Fisto as well we shall," said Yoda.  Zoda held up his hand.

"Here's a thought.  Why don't we wait a week and then you just send Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan on their own to deal with this problem.  That way I don't explode a volatile situation and I don't become more angry at the council," said Zoda.

"No," began Yoda.

"Wait.  That doesn't sound like a bad idea," admitted Ki-Adi-Mundi.

"I agree," said Plo Koon.

"Muwahahahaha," laughed Zoda.  Yoda again was still holding onto his anger towards Zoda.

"Vote on it we shall," said Yoda.

"Tie means he stays," said Plo Koon.

"All opposed?" asked Mace Windu.  Some hands shot up.

"All for?" asked Yoda.  Some more hands shot up.  Yaddle couldn't decide what to do because she didn't care either way.  She finally put her chips in and held up her hand, thus altering history forever.

"Looks like you go," said Mace.

"Damn,"

"Here are your information packets.  I'll have Kit meet you downstairs.  You should take the ambassadorial ship that Valorum has provided for you.  It will take you directly to Naboo.  

"Vaya Con Dios folks," said Zoda leaving.

"Fine, whatever.  Just do your mission," said Yoda straining to form a coherent sentence.

"Thank you Uncle, I shall," said Zoda with a big grin on his face as he purposely annoyed his uncle.  He then left with Obi-Wan.

"A mistake this was.  Need the experience he does, however, the dark side I sense.  Where I do not know, but it exists," said Yoda.

"You're just nervous," said Mace.

"For the future's sake, hope so I do," admitted Yoda.  He then left the room to retire to his quarters.  Down below, Zoda and Obi-Wan were filling in Kit Fisto.  He just nodded his head and moved out with them towards the ship waiting outside to take them to Naboo.  They boarded and it took off towards Naboo.  It cruised through the streets and past two robed figures.

"Let us hope that those fools in the Trade Federation can handle the Ambassadors," said Darth Sidious.  Darth Maul merely nodded.  The ship burst free of the planet and zipped into hyperspace.

"I'll get the council for this, I really will," said Zoda drinking some wine.

"You will?  How?" asked Obi-Wan clearly amused.

"They'll wake up one morning and not be able to feel the force because somewhat will open a Ysalamiri kennel club on the bottom floor and its fifty spots will be mysteriously filled up.  I can't wait to see the looks on their faces," said Zoda rubbing his hands together.  Obi-Wan chuckled.

"You seriously think you're going to be able to get fifty Ysalamiri into the temple?  You know the screen for those things and it would be pretty easy to discover that they were present.  You're plan has a few kinks in it," said Obi-Wan chuckling.

"Beware the determined being for he could accomplish even the impossible," said Kit.  Obi-Wan's eyes went wide open.

"Thank you Kit," said Zoda.

"That freaks me out every time he does that," said Obi-Wan.

"He's a philosophical Jedi plain and simple.  They're actually better than some Jedi because they don't ramble.  Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get some sleep," said Zoda.  He laid himself down on the floor and propped up his head with a certain muddy book.

"Hey isn't that?" asked Obi-Wan.

"Yes it is," said Zoda with a smile on his face.

Jedi Council: "It's not here.  He took it, that little sith took it," said Plo Koon.  The whole order had covered the entire temple for the book that Zoda had obtained.

"Get him for this, I will," said Yoda angrily.

"Careful Master Yoda, hold onto your anger.  It could lead you to the darkside," said Qui-Gon who was partially over his flu.

"In order to deal with Zoda, cross over the darkside I may," said Yoda.  He then left again to his room.

"The sparks are going to fly when Zoda returns," said Mace.

"I just hope my Padawan can handle him when it comes time to negotiate," said Qui-Gon.

"Let us hope so, for all our sakes.  Especially the Nubians," said Ki-Adi-Mundi.

Naboo: The ship was steadily approaching the blockade.

"Why is there never a blockade over a planet with a decent beach?" asked Zoda.

"Because people would be upset," said Obi-Wan.

"True," conceded Zoda.

"We are receiving a message from the Federation," said the captain over the intercom.  The four Jedi slid on their robes and entered the bridge.  On the screen was a Nemoidian.

"Who the hell is he?" demanded Zoda quietly.

"Nute Gunray, he's the viceroy," said the captain.

"The more powerful they are," began Kit.

"The uglier they look," said Zoda.  They clapped hands.

"Gentlemen, the matter at hand," said Obi-Wan.

"Right, tell Gumby that we want to board," said Zoda.

"With all due respect, the ambassadors from the supreme chancellor wish to board immediately," said the captain.

"You didn't have to sound so generous," said Zoda.

"Yes of course.  As you can see our blockade is perfectly legal.  And we'd be happy to welcome the ambassadors," said Nute Gunray as the transmission shut off.

"Liar," said Zoda shaking his head.

"Did you use the force to determine that?" asked the captain.

"Don't be so naive.  It's obvious he's lying to us.  Neimodians cannot be trusted," said Zoda.  He then wandered off the bridge and towards the ramp as the ship flew towards the massive Trade Federation ship.

"Only an idiot blockades a planet that no one goes to.  The negotiations will be short because they have absolutely nothing to bargain with," said Zoda.  The ship landed in the bay of the ship and Kit, Obi-Wan, and Zoda disembarked.

"I hate this job.  The Jedi should be ruling the galaxy, not being the senate's lackeys.  Then stupid things like this wouldn't happen," grumbled Zoda.

"We're keepers of the peace, not soldiers," said Obi-Wan.

"Blah, blah, blah.  It's always the same, the Jedi are sheep.  The senate controls us. We've lost touch with the old ways.  I bet we'll loose touch with the Force in a few years.  Or to be precise you saps will.  Not me though, I don't obey the council when the situation suits me," said Zoda.

"No wonder the council hates you, you're crazy," said Obi-Wan.  Zoda shrugged.

"Am I Obi-Wan?  Or am I sane and the rest of you are crazy.  Dark time are coming, of this I can assure you," said Zoda.  Obi-Wan shrugged.

"Sometimes those who are crazy can see things that we cannot," said Kit.

"Whatever," Obi-Wan said.  They walked to a sliding door and it moved to the sides and revealed a silver droid.

"Greetings, I am TC-14.  This way please," said TC-14.

"Where're we going?" demanded Zoda.

"To a conference room," said TC-14.

"Why don't we go to the bridge?" asked Zoda.

"Because my masters wish to meet you in the conference room," said TC-14.

"Are they there now?" asked Obi-Wan.

"Not yet," said TC-14.  Zoda came to a halt.

"Screw it then, we're not moving another inch.  I want to see your masters now!" shouted Zoda.

"Don't be impulsive," said Obi-Wan.

"Beware the man who leaps into battle with no armor for he will bring about his untimely death," said Kit.

"I agree for once.  Remember, the council ordered us to be ambassadors, not soldiers," said Obi-Wan.  Zoda growled.  He looked around and saw a pair of battle droids walking by.  Zoda launched himself up into the air, ignited one his dueling sabers and sliced the head off of one of them while skewering the other with his second dueling saber.  He then landed on the ground and shutoff both of his sabers.

"This is a bad idea," said Zoda clipping the sabers to his belt.  The group was then escorted to the conference room.

"My masters will be with you shortly," said TC-14 running off.  The three Jedi pulled back their hoods.

"I have a bad feeling about this," said Obi-Wan.

"Why didn't you tell me this sooner!  Let's get out of here and say that we never got here," said Zoda.

"It's not about the mission master, it's something elsewhere, more elusive," admitted Obi-Wan.

"It's probably the council's hatred of me.  Those idiots just can't seem to take a joke," said Zoda.

"Something bad is about to happen," said Obi-Wan.  TC-14 reappeared with some drinks.  The three Jedi took them.

"What is this?" asked Zoda as he sipped his drink.

"Caf," said the droid.  Zoda spewed it out.

"You weren't joking Obi-Wan, this stuff takes like sithspit.  I take it you don't have a water," said Zoda.

"No.  Neimodians are inherently afraid of the stuff," said TC-14.

"As well they should be.  One time I was on Kamino.  Now that was a watery world.  I nearly drowned there," said Zoda.

"Kamino.  I'm not familiar with it.  Is it in the Republic?" asked Obi-Wan.

"No, no.  I'd say it's about three parsecs south of the Riszi Maze.  Should be easy to find, even with the droids in the Jedi archives," said Zoda.  It was at that point that a disturbance of the force was felt as the ambassadorial ship exploded.  Kit and Obi-Wan immediately leapt up and ignited their lightsabers while Zoda merely held his hands to his head.

"Why can't one of these missions end peacefully?  Why?" he demanded.  He then saw TC-14 still holding their tray.

"This is your fault.  You told them we were Jedi," said Zoda.  He pulled out his regular lightsaber, switched it on, and hurled it at TC-14.  It struck it in the chest and TC-14 fell over.

"Damn droid," said Zoda.  He pulled it out.

"With all due respect, your destroying those droids with your two lightsabers probably tipped them off," said Obi-Wan.

"True," said Kit.

"That's it, we're leaving.  I knew I should've brought my fighter," said Zoda.

"What do we do know?" asked Obi-Wan.

"Well first we.  Ah crap!" said Zoda.  Gas had begun filing the room.

"Dioxus," said Kit.

"Someone's going to pay dearly for this," said Zoda as they all began holding their breaths.

Outside: A hologram appeared in front of several droids.

"They must be dead by now.  Destroy what's left of them," said Nute Gunray.  The droids nodded as the door opened.

"Check it out corporal, we'll cover you," said one droid.  Before the droid could reply four lightsabers ignited in the yellow gas, two vertical and two at an angle.

"Open," began the droid before it was sliced in half.  Zoda, Kit, and Obi-Wan leapt out of the gas and began slicing droids left and right.  Zoda was flying all over the place with his dual dueling sabers as he did his best to deflect shots.

"These weapons weren't designed for this!" shouted Zoda.

"Then why'd you bring them?" demanded Obi-Wan as he deflected another bolt.

"Because I didn't think the Neimodians were going to have the guts to attack us," said Zoda as he sliced another battledroid.  Eventually all the droids were destroyed.

"Come, we're getting the hell out of here," said Zoda moving towards the bays.

"We're not going to the bridge?" asked Obi-Wan incredulously.

"Don't be stupid!  We can't hold off an entire army of droids!  Let's move," said Zoda taking off using the force.  Kit and Obi-Wan shrugged and chased after him.

Bridge: "Why haven't they come here yet?" demanded Nute Gunray.

"Probably because they were frightened off," said a neimodian near by.

"Find them!  We can't have Jedi loose on this ship!" he yelled.  Various droids scurried about trying to locate the missing Jedi.

Bay: The three Jedi ran into the bay and hid behind some crates.

"Oh this just keeps getting better!" said Zoda as they watched the battledroids boarding the landing craft.

"What do we do?" asked Obi-Wan.

"We hijack one of these ships and go back to Coruscant," said Zoda.

"You can't be serious," said Obi-Wan.

"Deadly.  The mission parameters have been radically altered and this situation is no longer salvageable.  I feel for the Queen, but we're only three Jedi and if we don't tell Coruscant what the hell is happening here, then no one will ever know," said Zoda.

"Sometimes it is the man who doesn't fight that is the better man," said Kit.

"Would you cut that out," said Obi-Wan.

"Yeah, it's getting annoying," said Zoda.

"Fine.  Look, all of these ships are planetary assault ships and I highly doubt that they have a hyperdrive, we're better off taking them down to Naboo and then going to Theed and securing a hyperspace capable ship," said Kit.

"Excellent plan.  We'll store aboard separate ships.  This mission has just been a disaster from the start, let's hope it only gets better from this point," said Zoda.

"Look in the bright side.  The negotiations were short hence you didn't have to use your ambassadorial skills," said Obi-Wan.

"Ha, ha, ha.  Shut up!" said Zoda.  The three split ways and headed towards the ships.  Their ships then zoomed towards the surface and landed.  Zoda raced off ahead of the MTAT's as they pushed over everything in their path on their way to Theed.  He watched as dozens of creatures ran for their lives, except for one certain Gungan who just stood there frozen.  Zoda stopped and eyed him curiously.

"_Should I save him or shouldn't I_?" wondered Zoda.  He was still thinking about it when Kit Fisto leapt out from behind a tree and dragged the Gungan to safety as the MTAT's zoomed by towards Theed.  Zoda walked over to Kit and the Gungan who was jabbering something or another.

"You should've let him get run over," said Zoda.

"Maybe I should have," responded Kit.

"Thank yousa for saving mesa.  How can I hep you?" asked the Gungan.

"Who or what the hell is this thing?" asked Zoda.

"He's a Gungan named Jar Jar Binks," said Kit.

"I hope all Gungan's aren't like this," said Zoda.

"Let's hope not," agreed Kit.  Instantly laser shots were heard as Obi-Wan appeared while being chased by two droids on a STAPs.  Kit yanked out his lightsaber and launched it at the droids.  It sliced them in half and the STAP's came to a halt nearby.  Zoda walked over and helped Obi-Wan up after he had fallen over.

"You okay?  What happened to your saber?" asked Zoda.

"Nothing master," Obi-Wan said sheepishly.

"Hand it over," said Zoda sighing.  Obi-Wan sighed and handed over a water soaked lightsaber.

"Rule number one when dealing with lightsaber and water, shut off the power completely," said Zoda.

"Yes master," said Obi-Wan expecting Zoda to yell at him.

"Ah don't worry about it, I've done it myself a few times.  In order to make it up, 'convince' fish face to go away," said Zoda as he began looking around for any other Federation forces.

"Are yousa powerful toosa?" asked Jar Jar.

"You don't want to follow us," said Obi-Wan moving his hand in front of Jar Jar.

"I don't wanta follow usa," said Jar Jar in a trance.

"You want to go home and rethink your life," said Obi-Wan.

"Mesa wanta go home and rethink mea life," said Jar Jar walking off in a daze.

"Dude's definitely on deathsticks," said Kit laughing.

"Yeah but in the meantime we need to get to Theed," said Zoda.  All three looked at the STAPs.

"There's no way we can all ride on those things.  Looks like we'll have to draw straws," said Obi-Wan.

"On the contrary.  I'll simply stand on the handlebars while you drive Obi-Wan," said Zoda.

"Why me?" asked Obi-Wan.

"Simple," said Zoda climbing onto the handlebars "I don't trust Kit's driving."

"Thanks, I think," said Obi-Wan as he climbed onto the STAP.  Kit climbed onto his and the two blasted off towards Theed.

"Faster, faster!" said Zoda clearly exhilarated by the view.

"Any faster and we'll crash," said Obi-Wan.

"Any slower and the Federation will take Theed before us.  Faster!" shouted Zoda.  He used his right foot to slam on the accelerator.

"Are you crazy!" Obi-Wan demanded while trying desperately to steer the STAP.

"Nope.  I'm psychotic!" shouted Zoda as the STAP burst free of the forest and blasted towards Theed.  Already the Federation had reached the capital.

"Well so much for saving the city or the queen.  Guess we'll just have to find a ship and leave, hiding until this whole thing blows over," said Zoda.

"I think it would be in your best interest if you rescued the Queen," said Kit.

"Why?  Why should we stick our necks out for a captured Queen?" asked Zoda.

"She's rich," said Obi-Wan.

"Rich?" asked Zoda.

"Yes, rich, powerful.  Look, if you rescued her the reward would be," said Obi-Wan.

"What?" asked Zoda beginning to foam at the mouth.

"Well more wealth than you could imagine," said Obi-Wan.

"I don't know I could imagine quite a lot," said Zoda.

"You'll get it," said Obi-Wan.

"I'd better," said Zoda.  Kit maneuvered alongside them.

"Actually you won't.  The Queen is elected by the people thus the amount of money she owned would be what she owned and not what the people owned," said Kit.

"Jedi's never get easy breaks," said Zoda sighing.

"Yeah well, let's still rescue the Queen," said Obi-Wan.

"Assuming we find her.  I'll tell you what.  We'll make three sweeps of the city.  If we find her great, if not we're getting the hell out of here," said Zoda.

"Agreed," Obi-Wan and Kit said.

"Let's rock and roll," said Zoda.  The two STAPs zoomed into the city.

Theed, nay minutes later: "This is not looking good your highness.  Clearly they will torture you until you sign the treaty," said Sio Bibble.

"I certainly hope not.  I only wonder what happened to the ambassadors," said Padme Amidala.

"Clearly they never came or Nute Gunray killed them," said Capt. Panaka.

"Let us hope not, for all our sakes," said Amidala.  Instantly the procession halted and a holo of Nute Gunray appeared.

"New orders, kill the Queen.  I will have her weaker successor that we appoint sign our treaty," said Nute Gunray.  The droids all pointed their guns at the Queen.

"Your highness!" shouted one of her handmaidens.  The droids aimed and fired.

Shrummm!  Crack!  Instantly the place was in chaos as three figures, lightsabers drawn, leapt from the shadows and began slashing at the droids and deflecting various laser blasts and a few seconds later the confrontation was over.

"That was a close one.  It's a good thing we walked this way on the third sweep, otherwise Queeny here would be dead," said the shortest one.

"Thank goodness for that," said a tall human.

"If all of you please, we'd like to get off the street," said the alien with tentacles where hair normally would've been.

"Right, grab their weapons," said Panaka.  The group grabbed the droid's weapons and walked into an alleyway.

"Howdy.  I'm Jedi Master Yoda," said the shortest one with a smile on his face.

"Oh Jedi Master Yoda, we're so honored by your presence," said Sio Bibble.

"No problem.  Now pay up, I don't work for free," said 'Yoda'.

"What?" Sio said in distress.  'Yoda' began laughing.

"Would someone explain what's going on?" asked Panaka clearly confused.  The human spoke up.

"He's only joking.  That's Jedi Knight Zoda, Yoda's nephew, I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi, and that's Kit Fisto," said Obi-Wan.

"I see," said Sio, much relieved.

"Sorry about the money thing, it was just for kicks.  There hasn't been too much humor lately what with the Trade Federation and all," said Zoda.

"Yes.  Now may I ask what three Jedi are doing here?" asked Amidala.

"We're ambassadors for the supreme chancellor," said Kit.

"Your negotiations seem to have failed," said Sio.

"Yes, yes they did.  Miserably I might add.  When/If we get to Coruscant, would you please express that sentiment to the Jedi Council?  Tell them Zoda should never have to be an ambassador and if he does he must be able to do it his own way," said Zoda with a smile on his face.

"Zoda!" said Obi-Wan.

"What?  I was serious!" said Zoda.

"What he means to say is that the negotiations never took place," said Kit.

"Yeah, and we're headed to Coruscant, feel free to join us if you want," said Zoda moving out towards the hanger nearby.  The group followed and then they all waited outside.

"So, you coming or not Queeny?" asked Zoda.

"Show her some respect," said Panaka.

"No.  I don't show anyone respect," said Zoda.

"Not even the Council?" asked Sio slyly.

"Nope.  Obi-Wan will vouch for me on that one," said Zoda.

"Sadly that is the truth.  But he does want to please the council on this mission so he'll show you some respect," said Obi-Wan.  Zoda just harrumphed.

"Fine, fine, whatever.  My apologies Queen Amidala of the Naboo," said Zoda.

"Now that that's over with, will you accompany us to Coruscant?" asked Obi-Wan.

"My place is with my people," said Amidala.

"Hey, works for me.  Let's get going.  She wants to die that's her choice," said Zoda.

"Nute Gunray did order your death my Queen.  I don't believe we can protect you for long should you stay," admitted Panaka.

"Our only hope is for the Senate to side with us.  Senator Palpatine will need your help," said Sio.

"Yeah, like the senate'll do anything," said Zoda unconvinced.

"You're not helping," said Obi-Wan.

"Whatever," Zoda said walking off and standing away from the group.

"It's your choice your highness," said Kit.

"We are brave your highness," said a handmaiden.

"Then I will go and plead our case to the senate," said Amidala.

"Good luck.  Let me know how that turns out," said Zoda still standing a way off.

"Let's go then," said Zoda.  The whole group then entered into the hanger.

"Is that your tin can?" asked Zoda looking at the Queen's cruiser.

"What about it?" Panaka asked defensively.

"Nothing, it's nice.  Who'll fly it?" asked Zoda.

"We'll need to free those pilots," said Panaka.

"Figures, a Jedi's work is never done.  I'll do it," said Zoda sighing and walking towards the droids.  Obi-Wan walked with the group towards a group of droids in front of the ships landing ramp.

"Halt!  Where are you taking them?" inquired one of the droids.  Obi-Wan didn't respond and immediately began cutting droids left and right with his lightsaber as the group ran onto the ship.  Kit was instead using the Force to knock droids left and right while Zoda was smashing through several with his dueling sabers.

"Move like you've got a purpose people!" shouted Zoda as the pilots got up and began running for their lives.  Zoda then retracted his lightsabers, clipped them to his belt and ran onto the Queen's ship and it took off.

"Great, all we have to do now is worry about the blockade.  Does this ship have a cloaking device?" asked Zoda.

"Are you crazy, this is a civilian ship!" shouted Panaka.

"Fine, calm down," said Zoda.  The ship burst into space and zoomed towards the blockade.

"Not good," said Obi-Wan.

"Ah quit crying, we're screwed anyway," said Zoda.  The blockade immediately opened fire on the ship and then a warning was heard.

"Shield generators' been hit," said Ric Olie.

"This wouldn't have happened if you'd learn to fly better.  You ever hear of evasive maneuvers?" asked Zoda.

"True, it's not good to fly in a straight line," said Kit.

"Nothing we can do about it now.  Let's hope the droids can fix the ship," Obi-Wan commented.

"I wish Depot was here.  Not that he would've done anything, I just could've blamed him for everything that went wrong," said Zoda.

"He wouldn't be much help here, all R5's are hardwired to the Jedi Starfighters," said Obi-Wan.

"I still could've found someway to blame everything on him," said Zoda.  The ship flew on, even without shields.  Then when all seemed lost.

"Shields are back, that little droid did it.  Bypassed the main power drive," said the Ric.

"Ah quit giving us the commentary, what's been damaged?" asked Zoda.

"The hyperdrive, it's loosing power," said the Ric.

"Well that's just great, what the hell're we gonna do now?" asked Zoda.

"Here master, Tatooine.  It's small, remote, out of the way, but the Trade Federation has virtually no presence there," said Obi-Wan.  Zoda shuddered.

"I don't think that's necessarily the way to go.  My relationship with Hutts isn't too good right now, especially after I screwed Pizza the Hutt over.  How about Kashyyyk?" asked Zoda.

"It's a little far, but I think we can make it," said Obi-Wan.

"Good.  I know a few wookies there who can help us out," said Zoda.

"Sounds good, setting course for Kashyyyk," said the pilot.  He pulled a lever and the stars streamed forward as the ship plunged into hyperspace.

Federation Fleet: "Not for a Sith Lord.  This is my apprentice Darth Maul.  He will find your missing ship," Darth Sidious said and with that the hologram shutoff.

"This was a mistake.  Now there are two of them," said Nute Gunray.

"Which is why we need to find them first.  Track their course, there must be some habitable planetoid on their path," said Rune Haako.

"Perhaps.  But we must be secretive about it.  If they find out, we're finished," said Nute.

"Then let us deploy our fleet," said Rune.  A few minutes later the fleet spread out heading in different directions to all habitable planetoids nearby with the exception of the droid control ship that remained behind.

Queen's Ship: "There is no doubt that without this droid, we would've all been dead.  It is to be commended.  Padme, please clean up this droid," said Amidala.  Padme nodded.

"I'll do it," offered Zoda.

"Thanks, but that will not be necessary.  Perhaps you can assist," suggested the Queen.

"Maybe," said Zoda disappointed.

"I need to know more about Kashyyk.  What is it?  Who lives there?  How do you know they'll help us?" demanded Panaka.

"Have you never heard of Kashyyk?" asked Zoda incredulously.  Panaka sighed.

"I must confess that I have never been anywhere else but Coruscant and Naboo.  The Queen hasn't been to that many places either," Panaka admitted.

"What?  You lousy royalty always having things brought for you.  You wouldn't understand what it's like to live a normal life why you," said Zoda as Kit clamped his mouth shut and dragged him from the room.

"He's just a little stressed.  Anyway, Kashyyk is a large wooded planet with plenty of wookies who live at the top of the tall trees there.  They're friendly for the most part unless someone holds a grudge against you and in that case watch out.  I don't see any problems with us going there because when Master Qui-Gon and I went there, we were welcomed like family," said Obi-Wan with a smile remembering those times.

"Excuse me, who is Master Qui-Gon?" asked Padme having not left yet with R2.

"He's my master.  I'm only a Padawan learner," admitted Obi-Wan.

"You could've fooled me," admitted Padme.

"Me too," said Panaka.

"Yes well, I should be taking the trials soon to become a Jedi Knight.  In the meantime, I suggest we all get some sleep, we don't want to be tired on Kashyyk lest we fall from the high trees," said Obi-Wan.

"I agree," said the Queen.  With that the assembly broke up and moved in different directions.

Bay: Padme was cleaning up R2-D2 when she heard several cracks.  Instantly Zoda leapt into the room with his dueling sabers as Obi-Wan leapt in with his lightsaber.

"C'mon buddy.  Let's see that lightsaber in action," said Zoda with a grin on his face.

"What're you doing?" asked Padme slightly frightened.

"We're practicing our lightsaber techniques.  Feel free to watch," said Obi-Wan.  Padme, relieved, watched along with Obi-Wan as the two of them engaged in a massive lightsaber battle with Zoda flying all over the place and Obi-Wan constantly fending off his attacks.

"I'd hope you could try harder than this," said Obi-Wan with a grin on his face.

"Don't make me hurt you, padawan.  Your skills are nothing compared to mine," said Zoda swinging both his sabers.  Somehow Obi-Wan managed to get his blade under Zoda's left one and sent it flying off.  It shutoff and landed next to a pile of crates.

"See," said Obi-Wan grinning even harder.

"Ah you just got lucky that's all," said Zoda.  He leapt up again and swung his lone dueling saber and continued to battle Obi-Wan.  Eventually Obi-Wan was backed into a corner with nowhere to maneuver.

"Looks like I win," said Zoda maneuvering to slap Obi-Wan's lightsaber away.

"Obi-Wan catch," said Padme as she hurled Zoda's other dueling saber at Obi-Wan.  Obi-Wan caught it and deflected Zoda's blow.

"Oh I see how it is," said Zoda looking at Padme with a smile.

"I think he must've used the Force to bring the lightsaber to him," said Padme.

"Somehow I doubt it," said Zoda.  He backed away from Obi-Wan as he clutched his lightsaber and Zoda's.  Then Kit entered into the bay.

"I have a q-oh," said Kit seeing the seen in front of him.

"Quick Kit, help me defeat Zoda," said Obi-Wan.

"Perhaps just this once.  It would help me relieve my stress that Zoda has caused by this mission," said Kit.  He immediately snapped his lightsaber up and turned it on.  It was Obi-Wan with two lightsabers and Kit with one versus Zoda with one.

"Looks like they've got the advantage," said Padme.  Zoda laughed.

"Not quite.  You see, I have a weapon designed for such situations," said Zoda.

"Oh no," said Obi-Wan.  He immediately rushed Zoda with Kit as Zoda calmly clipped his lightsaber onto his belt and pulled back his robe to reveal a double lightsaber handle.  Calmly summoning up his strength, he pulled out his lightsaber and switched it on.  Two blades extended out the end and he pulled the handles apart to reveal a third blade in the middle, all of which were sky blue.

"Behold the quantum tri-fecta lightsaber," said Zoda as he leapt into the air.  Although Obi-Wan and Kit tried their best, none of their attacks could get past the powerful weapon due to the proper placement of the blades, the weapon had very few weak points.  Even when Zoda gave Kit his other dueling saber and it was four sabers against one with three blades, Zoda's skill with the weapon was apparent as he waded in between them and blocked off all of their attacks.  Padme eventually grabbed a lasergun and began firing stunbolts, but still Zoda was able to fend off all of them.  Eventually he leapt up and landed on Obi-Wan's left shoulder and Kit's right and swung his lightsaber in front of their necks.

"I win," he said.  He then shutoff his lightsaber and landed on the floor with sweat dripping down off of all of them.

"That was some fight," Padme observed, getting water for them.

"Yeah it was.  I am impressed Obi-Wan, Kit.  I seriously thought I was going to loose for a moment.  You two have advanced wonderfully in your training.  You two will be a forced to be reckoned with.  I'd sure hate to have to face you two in battle," said Zoda wiping off his face with a towel.

"Yeah well, let's hope that never happens.  That workout really wore me out, time to sleep," said Zoda.  He quickly pulled out his book that he'd somehow managed to bring with him on the journey to Naboo and began snoozing.  Obi-Wan and Kit also laid down and some were sleeping as well.  Padme had R2 bring them some blankets as she watched them sleep.

"_If they only knew I was the Queen, then we could really be friends, I have so few.  But I can't tell them, my security is at risk,_" thought Padme.  She sighed and walked off to her chamber as the ship continued to barrel down hyperspace.

Coruscant: Darth Sidious and Darth Maul were standing next to the Sith Infiltrator.

"Those idiots in the Trade Federation don't know how to follow a hyperspace vector.  They're going to Kashyyyk.  Kit Fisto and Obi-Wan Kenobi are no match for your power, but beware Zoda for his strength will surprise you.  Now go my apprentice," said Darth Sidious.  Darth Maul nodded and took off towards the planet.

Federation Ship in orbit of Bakura: "What is our next target?" asked Rune Haako who had left the droid control ship to captain another.

"Kashyyyk, a wookie colony," said a neimodian nearby.

"Very well, let us go," said Rune.  The massive ship leapt into hyperspace, headed for Kashyyyk as well as the Sith Infiltrator, and the Queen's ship and soon Kashyyyk would experience a shock unlike any other.


	2. Krisis on Kashyyyk

Thanks for the reviews, I'll try and keep the same frame of mind with the new chapter.

Kashyyyk: The Queen's Cruiser landed on a landing pad high in the trees near a local city.  Zoda walked to the engine room.

"How's the hyperdrive?" he asked.

"It's damaged beyond repair," said Obi-Wan.  Zoda slumped his head down against the hyperdrive.

"Why me?  Why must everything go so wrong?  Can't something go right on this mission?  Oh well, no complaining about it.  So we need a new hyperdrive," said Zoda.

"Yes.  Preferably one for a type J-77 Nubian," said Obi-Wan.

"Forgive my huttese, but duh!  What the hell did you think I was going to try and get a hyperdrive for, a Corellian YT-1300 freighter?  Never mind, don't answer that.  How are we going to pay for it because I don't have enough cash to pay for it," said Zoda.

"We have 2,000 Republic Dactaries," said Obi-Wan.  Zoda looked at him wide-eyed.

"Republic Credits?  Republic Credits are no good out here I need something more real," said Zoda rubbing his fingers together.

"Republic Credits will do fine," said Obi-Wan.

"No, they won't," said Zoda laughing nervously.

"Republic Credits will do fine," Obi-Wan repeated.

"Don't be stupid!  No place is going to accept Republic Credits!  I don't know what world you lived on, but they don't accept these types of credits here or anywhere.  There are more planets that don't accept Republic Credits than are in the Republic and Kashyyyk is one of them.  Do we have anything else?  Even a single trugut?" asked Zoda.

"Nope," said Obi-Wan.  Zoda started laughing and then he started crying.

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier?  I sure as hell wouldn't have brought us here!  They might kill you here if they knew you had Republic Credits!  I must forget we ever had this conversation.  Come on Force work your magic.  Ah I've forgotten we had Republic Credits.  We have Republic Credits?  Ah crap we're screwed!" said Zoda.

"Calm down.  We'll be fine," said Obi-Wan.

"Yeah right.  Let's go I've had enough of this ship and the Nubians in general.  Time for some civilization," said Zoda rubbing his hands together.  He walked outside with Obi-Wan and Kit to a large forest with no technology in evidence.

"What civilization?  Naboo was more civilized than this," said Obi-Wan.

"Bah!  Naboo isn't a city, it's a display case.  I don't trust people who are too friendly.  A place like Kashyyyk where you have a danger of being killed, now that's civilization for you!  Let's go," said Zoda walking towards the nearest rope bridge.  He was about there when they all sensed a presence and turned around and saw Panaka advancing with Padme and R2-D2.

"What do you want tubby?" asked Zoda.  Panaka growled at him.

"The Queen requests you take her handmaiden with you," Panaka said.

"Yeah right.  Tell Queeny that I'd rather face a Sith with no lightsaber than be a babysitter for her handmaiden.  Come, we're leaving," said Zoda.

"I think she should come with," said Obi-Wan.

"What!  You traitor!  How dare you go against me!  I'm the Jedi Knight here and I'm in charge!" said Zoda.

"She comes.  We need a liaison with the Queen and this is it," said Kit.

"But isn't Padme the Queen?" asked Zoda.  Panaka looked at him wide-eyed.

"No she isn't," he said.

"Don't give me that crap.  I'm a Jedi, things like that don't get by me.  Fine Queeny, you can come only because I don't want the council breathing down my neck that I wasn't friendly to you.  The last thing I want is for them to send me back to protect you," said Zoda.

"If you keep calling me Queeny, I'll tell them that you were the best ambassador on Naboo and you deserve to be commended.  In fact, I'll beg for you protection," said Padme.  Zoda looked at her wide-eyed and slowly backed away from her.

"Ha, zinged him," said Obi-Wan.  He and Padme clapped hands and they walked across the bridge.  As they reached the end, Zoda turned to them.

"Okay, Obi-Wan, Padme you two are my bratty and brainless children and Kit is my manservant.  Let's go," said Zoda.

"We can't be your children!  We're not even the same species," said Padme.

"Don't speak to your father that way!" said Zoda shocked.

"Maybe you were adopted," suggested Kit.

"Don't give him a rationale," said Obi-Wan.

"Kit, subdue them," said Zoda.

"No," said Kit crossing his arms.  Zoda growled under his breath.

"You're just lucky I didn't bring my whip," he said.  The walked towards the city when three wookies blocked their path, pulled out their bowcasters, and fired.  Zoda leapt into the air and deflected them all with his tri-fecta lightsaber.  He then landed on the ground with the saber at the ready.  He then stood up, nodded, and put his lightsaber away.  The wookies growled as Kit, Padme, and Obi-Wan looked absolutely frightened.

"Guys your remembered!" said Zoda.  He walked over to them as they all surrounded him for a group hug and Zoda was lost in their fur for a moment.  He then started speaking with them about few things and then turned to face the group.

"Guys, these are my buddies: Loofy, Bumpy, and Chewbacca," said Zoda.  The three wookies walked over looking menacing and then reached out their hands and shook all of theirs.

"Sorry for the fright, these guys just wanted to make sure that it was really me.  They're friendly, just don't try and beat Chewbacca at holochess, he'll rip you arms out if he looses," said Zoda laughing.  Chewie said something.

"These are my kids.  The girl's name is Rika," began Zoda.

"Rika!" said Padme in shock.

"It was either that or Leia," said Zoda shrugging.

"If I have a daughter I'll name her Leia," said Padme.

"Let's not talk about kids now honey, not until you're older," said Zoda.

"I'm over twenty daddy, I can't be your little girl forever," said Padme.

"You can and you will be.  This is my son Ben," said Zoda.

"Ben, I like that.  It suits me," said Obi-Wan.

"And this is my manservant tentacle…boy…head?  Whatever, I'll call just refer to you as manservant," said Zoda.  Kit just looked at him like he was crazy.  The wookies merely growled something.

"Yeah well that'll have to do for now, it's best if you don't know anything more than that.  Anyway, my buddies here have invited us for breakfast and it sounds pretty good so lets eat and then head out.  We can get information from them while we eat," said Zoda following the wookies.  They entered into their hut and looked at all their food, all of it meat.

"Meat, fun," said Padme.

"What's wrong you don't eat meat?" asked Zoda.

"Not really no," said Padme.

"Ah you're missing out Rika.  Some of the best prepared meat in the galaxy you'll find here.  We've got shak, bantha, krayt dragon, lactil, and what's this?" asked Zoda pointing to some meat on a spit above a fire.  Loofy told him and Zoda's eyes went wide open and he looked totally shocked.

"Wait, what was that again?" he asked disbelieving what he'd been told.  Loofy told him again.  This time Zoda's ears shot up and he looked at the meat with new eyes.

"What is it?" asked Obi-Wan and Padme.

"You don't want to know," said Zoda.

"Now I want to know.  What is it?" demanded Kit.

"You…don't…want…to…know," said Zoda.

"Tell us," said Padme.

"It's mynock," said Zoda simply eyes staring wide-opened at the meat.  Padme immediately clamped her hands over her mouth.

"Bathrooms in the back.  If you can't make it, throw up over the railing outside and pray that it don't hit anyone on the way down," said Zoda.  Padme ran off into the back.  The wookies chuckled while Zoda merely put some mynock and bantha on his plate.  He chewed the mynock thoughtfully.

"Not to bad, a little crunchy though but otherwise okay.  Manservant what's wrong?  You're looking a little green.  Well a little greener than usual," said Zoda.  Kit ran outside with his hands clamped over his mouth as well.  The wookies laughed again and looked at Obi-Wan.

"I have a greater stomach than my sister and manservant," said Obi-Wan.  "_The only thing that could make me throw up was if someone asked..._"

"How'd you get it?" asked Zoda.  Obi-Wan's eyes went wide-open.  Bumpy growled something.

"Oh, okay.  Apparently it came here on a passing freighter and Bumpy caught it chewing on a droid.  It was yelling in pain and terror as the creature began chewing it on the stomach.  Wow, that must've been some sight," said Zoda.  Obi-Wan ran outside as well.  Padme walked back in, looked at the meat and ran out again.  This time Zoda joined the laughing as well.

"Ah my kids are good to me.  Anyway, I need to know, is Crazy Louie still in business?" asked Zoda.  He got a negative back from Loofy.

"Crap.  Anyway, where do you think I could get parts for type J-77 type Nubian?" asked Zoda.  Chewie growled something.

"Yeah I'm idiot for driving a Nubian and know I won't tell you where I got it.  Anyway, I need a hyperdrive generator and I don't have any credits worth their weight in salt.  Where do you think I could go to try and barter for one," said Zoda.  Bumpy growled something.

"Psychotic Sam?  Are you sure?  He's…psychotic," said Zoda.  Chewie growled something.

"Oh he's been downgraded to insane now?  Well maybe it won't be that bad," said Zoda leaning back.  Then Padme, Kit, and Obi-Wan came in and sat down.

"Did you find a hyperdrive?" asked Padme.  Zoda sighed.

"Yes, but I have to agree with my woodland friends here that it would be best if we sold the ship and bought tickets to go to Coruscant," said Zoda.

"You can't sell my…I mean our ship!  The ship wouldn't cover enough tickets for ourselves and all of our…manservants," said Padme.

"No but on the other hand it would buy enough to send you, Ben, Manservant, and Tubby, and about ten other individuals to Coruscant.  When you get there you can send a ship back to pick up the rest of us.  It's for the best Rika," said Zoda.

"We don't have much choice.  What else do we have on the ship that could be sold?  It would be better if we had some laser cannons that we could sell but your ship doesn't have any so we're kinda outa luck in that department.  Is there anything else we could sell?" asked Zoda feeling helpless.

"There's always Rika's wardrobe," offered Obi-Wan.

"Ben!" shouted Padme.

"What?  We're desperate," said Obi-Wan.

"Not to worry Rika, I highly doubt anyone would want that rubbish.  Hell even I wouldn't pay for it because it has no resale value.  I suppose we could sell everything not bolted down on that ship, but still that wouldn't be enough.  Whatever!  Let's just go visit Sam.  Hopefully he still remembers me," said Zoda.  Lumpy roared something.

"You be quiet!  Besides, maybe Sam forgot about it," said Zoda nervously.

"Do what?" asked Obi-Wan.

"It doesn't matter.  Let's go," said Zoda.  They filed out and headed for Psychotic Sam's place.

Above the planet: Darth Maul's Sith Infiltrator zoomed towards the planet below.

Psychotic Sam's place: The quartet had arrived at a broken and dirtied shop inside of a massive tree.

"I used to remember when this was Norman Bates' Motel.  He ran it with his mother or so I believe.  Can't remember how it closed down.  Supposedly a bunch of people died and I lost track of what actually happened over the years.  Anyway, it belong to an old 'friend' of mine so let's check it out," said Zoda.  He carefully walked in the entrance and looked around.

"Sam, it's me Zoda.  Are you there?  He's not here, let's go," said Zoda speaking quietly as he turned to leave.

"C'mon we haven't even checked out the place yet," said Padme preparing to move inside.

"Yaaaaaah!" shouted a voice from above.

"Oh no," said Zoda slapping his hand to his forehead as a human leapt down from above and tackled Zoda.  He immediately applied a headlock on Zoda while Padme screamed and Obi-Wan and Kit pulled out their lightsabers..

"Don't you hear them?  They're everywhere I tells ya," said the human.

"Sam would you cut it out.  I don't hear anything.  Anyway, it's me Zoda," said Zoda.  Sam looked down at him.

"Zoda?  Who is this entity?  Accessing memory files.  Oh!  Zoda!  It's been ages.  Where's my money?" he demanded.

"I already paid you," said Zoda moving his hand.

"Like hell you did," said Sam dropping Zoda who landed on his own feet.  Zoda collected himself and walked after Sam as he retreated into his darkened shop.  Zoda finally found him sitting behind a desk and working on some equipment.

"Look Sam, I need parts for type J-77 Nubian, specifically a hyperdrive unit.  Do you have one?" asked Zoda.

"Ah yes Nubian, we have lotsa dat," said Sam.

"Would you quit imitating Watto and pay attention to me!  I need the hyperdrive.  I swear I'll pay you back one day," said Zoda.  Sam began speaking in huttese.

"I swear I will.  Sam please, it's important," said Zoda.  Sam began speaking in bantha.

"Would you cut it out?" asked Zoda.

"Would you cut it out?" asked Sam imitating Zoda.

"You're an idiot," said Zoda.

"You're an idiot," said Sam.

"I'm a stupid idiot who can't remember anything," said Zoda slyly.

"Yep," said Sam smiling.  Zoda growled and leapt at Sam who raised his hand and Zoda found himself stopped in midair.  Sam swished his hand and Zoda went flying off into a pile of droids.

"I'll tell you what tiny.  If you four enter into this battle of the bands they're going to have in three days and win using instruments I give you and advertise my store, I'll let you have the hyperdrive.  If you don't, I'll give you the hyperdrive," said Sam.

"Okay," asked Zoda confused.

"Come back here in three hours to practice," said Sam.  They quartet exited the store.

"Strange guy," Padme commented.

"Ah he's okay, he's just a little wacko," said Zoda.

"But he could use the force and your mindtrick didn't work on him," said Obi-Wan.

"Yeah well when you're psychotic you can do anything," said Zoda as they walked away.

"A battle of the bands huh?  That sounds interesting," said Padme.

"We'll just have to wait and see," said Zoda.  On the other side of the planet, Darth Maul's Sith Infiltrator landed on a pad and several robot droids exited heading out to different parts of the planet.

Later: Zoda, Padme, Obi-Wan, and Kit were standing in front of the musical instruments that Sam had given for them.

"What the hell is an electric guitar?" asked Obi-Wan holding up the device.

"Congas, Trombones, Trumpets, Pianos.  What the hell is this stuff and where the hell did you get it?" asked Zoda incredulously.

"A long time ahead, in a galaxy far, far away," said Sam.

"What?" they all asked, Sam included.

"Don't ask me I just bought the stuff," said Sam walking off.  Zoda sighed, picking up the electric guitar.

"What do these knobs do?  Oh well, only one way to find out," he said.  He cranked all the knobs to their maximum level and stood in front of a massive amp.

"Here goes," said Zoda.  He leapt up and strummed the cord.  The amp produced the sound with a massive blast and it sent Zoda hurtling through the air and he smashed through several display cases and racks.  He sat up as the others rushed to him.

"Did someone catch the number on that bus?  I think it was my ride.  No you fool, don't go below 50 there's a bomb onboard that will trigger if you go below that speed," said Zoda as he flopped over unconscious.  The others sighed and began trying out the other instruments.  An hour later Zoda snapped awake and he saw the others still tapping out various notes.

"Hey guys, I think…whoa!" shouted Zoda as he tripped over the amp cord attached to the guitar and fell face first onto the ground.

"What's up?" asked Obi-Wan.

"I was just saying I think podracing would've been easier than this.  We're screwed," said Zoda.

"Not quite," said a figure from the doorway.  The figure walked in and looked at them.

"Who?" Obi-Wan asked.  Zoda eyes went wide-open.

"It's Jimmy Hoffa!" he shouted.  The droid who had appeared before them nodded in agreement.

"Yes it is me and I have come to help you on your quest," said Jimmy.

"Why?" Kit asked.

"Because you suck!  I can't stand hearing such crappy playing of any musical instrument, much less the guitar.  I will help you because I want you off this planet lest anyone else hear your crappiness.  No come on let's rock and roll," said Jimmy.

"What?" asked Padme.

"Never mind.  Let's jam," said Jimmy.

"Huh?" asked Obi-Wan.  Jimmy slapped his head with his hand.

"Let's play!" shouted Jimmy.

"Wha-No I'm just kidding," said Zoda.  And for the next few days Jimmy taught them how to play.  Meanwhile the droids continued to search for them.

Third Day: "You have all advanced beautifully my children.  You still suck, but you can probably beat any wookies so good luck," said Jimmy preparing to leave.

"Can you give us any advice oh great one," said Zoda.

"Yeah.  Don't form a band, ever," said Jimmy.  And with that, he vanished.

"Let's go," said Zoda.  They took their equipment and walked over to the stage where the event was beginning.  They set up their equipment and managed to make it to the finals where they faced none other than Jimmy himself.

"Why did you train us if only to face us?" asked Obi-Wan incredulously.

"Because that way my winning will be even greater.  I'm back baby!" shouted Jimmy.  They each played their songs and the results were given.

"It's a tie!" he said.

"What?  Who'll win?" demanded Zoda and Jimmy.

"The way all debates are sorted, with a lightsaber battle!  No I'm just kidding, it'll be a bass off!" said the judge.  

"A bass off?  I thought I'd never see the day," said Jimmy.

"And we live in such a civilized age too," said Zoda.  Zoda and Jimmy stared at each other.

"You're going down tin can," said Zoda.

"Not yet old fart," said Jimmy.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the main event!  Let's Get Ready to Rumble!  Let the bass off begin!" shouted the judge.  Jimmy started it off smooth with a few notes while Zoda imitated him.  Then Jimmy began playing with his feet and Zoda laid his guitar down and ran across it a few times producing several notes.  Jimmy then began playing with hands and feet while Zoda began dancing on his.  Jimmy then began playing with hands and feet while he clamped his mouth onto the top and used his teeth to finger the notes.  Zoda stood on his guitar and used the Force to make the hoverboard fly and do loops and twirls and he began flying around the stage while playing notes with his feet.  Jimmy laid his guitar down and walked away from it and used his body as a magnet to make the strings move back and forth without actually having to touch the guitar.  Zoda landed and spun his guitar around with the Force while using the Force as well to play various notes.  Jimmy finally threw his guitar off stage and it dropped off the edge and fell to the ground far, far bellow still playing notes.

"Jimmy lost his guitar, now I win by default," said Zoda smiling.

"What!" shouted Jimmy.

"Legally that's the truth.  Zoda you win," said the judge.

"Woohoo!  Hello hyperdrive," said Zoda.  Jimmy began pouring steam from his head.

"I can't loose!  I'm Jimmy Hoffa!" he shouted.  Jimmy's eyes glowed red and then he exploded in a mushroom cloud flinging parts everywhere.  When the smoke cleared, Zoda's arms, legs, and ears, were all pointing backwards and he had several scorch marks and his eyes were wide-open in shock.  The judge pulled himself out a heap of dust and grabbed the microphone.

"The winners!" he said.  After the spectators got over the shock of the explosion, they all began cheering.

"Let's get the hell out of here," said Zoda coughing out dust.  The team collected what was left of their equipment and walked back to Sam's place.  Behind them they failed to notice a crashed probe droid in the dust.

Across the planet: Darth Maul noted the disappearance of his droid and took off after it in his Sith Infiltrator.

Above the planet: The massive Trade Federation Battleship appeared and began launching landing craft.

Sam's Place: Zoda found himself in yet another headlock.

"We won you nut now let go," said Zoda.

"Fine, fine.  So you won.  Take your hyperdrive and never come back here again," said Sam.  The group loaded the hyperdrive parts onto a cart and began pushing it off.  R2 beeped at Zoda.

"Where the hell of you been this whole time?" he demanded.  R2 tootled.

"What do you mean you've been with us?  You have?  I remember you coming with us, but I don't recall you ever speaking to us at all.  That's weird.  Whatever, just go," said Zoda.  He turned around towards Sam.

"Goodbye master," said Zoda.

"Goodbye my old padawan," said Sam.  Zoda walked out with Obi-Wan, Padme, and Kit who were wide-eyed.

"He was your former master?" asked Padme incredulously.

"Yep," said Zoda.

"How old is he?" asked Obi-Wan.  Zoda shrugged.

"I don't know," he responded.

"So you two aren't on the best of terms then?" asked Kit.

"Not really.  He lost it right after I became a Jedi and was holed up here to keep him from wrecking the universe," said Zoda.

"But he's practically harmless," said Padme.  Behind them, Sam's shop exploded.  They all turned around and watched Sam, virtually naked, run out, grab a vine, and go swinging off hollering at the top of his lungs.

"Ummm.  Let's go," said Zoda.  The three of them took off running towards the landing pad.  As they were on their way, they saw a familiar craft zoom by overhead.

"The Trade Federation!" shouted Obi-Wan.  The craft began unloading droids a few miles away as five more zoomed by overhead.

"Ah hell!  Is there no break for the weary!" shouted Zoda.

"Well we're the Jedi, the few, the proud…"

"The screwed,"

"Say what you will, but we can win this," said Obi-Wan pulling out his lightsaber.

"Now who's crazy?" asked Zoda laughing.

"Not me," said Obi-Wan.  Five droidekas rolled in front of them and stood up to their attack position.

"Halt," said one of them.  Zoda looked at Obi-Wan and Kit.

"I didn't know they could talk," said Zoda.

"Apparently they can," said Obi-Wan shrugging.

"Surrender," said the droid.  Zoda turned around and the three of them ignited their lightsabers, Zoda once again with his two dueling sabers.

"You surrender.  Man I'm too old for this sithspit," said Zoda.  Then the droids opened fire and Zoda, Kit, and Obi-Wan were all over the place flinging bolts and attacking various battledroids.

"Run Rika!" shouted Zoda.  It took Padme a moment to realize he was talking to her.  When she did, she quickly ran off towards the ship.

"Cover her manservant," said Zoda.  Kit moved to protect Padme and get her to her ship.  Several more droids ran towards them on the bridges and completely surrounded Obi-Wan and Zoda.

"No escape," said Zoda.

"No mercy," finished Obi-Wan.  They stood back to back as they watched the droids.  Then just as the droids were about to fire, laser bolts flew out of nowhere and obliterated them.  Zoda and Obi-Wan watched as three wookies appeared from the branches above.

"Loofy, Bumpy, Chewie it's great to see you guys!" shouted Zoda.  Chewie growled something.

"Yeah they've come for us.  Help us get to our ship and we'll escape taking them with us," said Zoda.  The three wookies growled and they began battling their way to the ship.

Nearby: Darth Maul watched in disapproval at the Trade Federations recklessness and their unwanted presence in matter that didn't concern them.  He flew his Sith Infiltrator towards the Queen's Cruiser in the distance as firefights broke out everywhere.

Queen's Cruiser: "How long until the hyperdrive is ready?" asked Zoda battling off droids at the ramp.

"Fifteen minutes.  Should we take off and install it in flight?" asked Obi-Wan.

"No that's a bad idea.  If there's a core ship in orbit then we're screwed.  We'll just have to fight them off here," said Zoda.

"Right," said Panaka who was nearby.  He ran up into the ship to tell the repair chief.

"That tubby, always frightened of little flies.  We're Jedi, nothing can stop us!" shouted Zoda.  The three Jedi and Wookies rushed into battle as more Trade Federation ships flew overhead.  Then a particular black craft approached.  On top of it was a certain robed figure.

"If you'll excuse me, I've got some business to attend to," said Zoda.  He leapt up and landed on the craft.  Darth Maul whipped out his dual edged saber.

"You think you're so bad with your greasy hair and dego moustache.  I've fought Jawas bigger than you tiny.  Run along home before you hurt someone with that," said Zoda as he reached out his hand and called Darth Maul's saber to his hand and he looked it over.

"Your craftsmanship blows.  The lightsabers that I've built and screwed up on were better than this," said Zoda.  He then chucked the lightsaber over the edge of the ship and it fell to the ground below.  Darth Maul growled.

"Hey, I want to have fun as well.  Now this ship, we can have fun with it.  Time to boogey!" he said.  Zoda faced away from Darth Maul and used the force to convert the vehicle into his own hoverboard like he had the guitar.

"Let's fly!" shouted Zoda.  Darth Maul held on for dear life as Zoda took the ship through impossible maneuvers as he flew the ship above and below the treeline.

"I like this ship, I must have one someday," said Zoda as he watched Darth Maul holding onto one of the wings as the ship crashed through various trees and branches.

"There's only one thing that could make this perfect," said Zoda.  Jimmy's head went screaming overhead and his guitar fell from it as the strap broke.  Zoda grabbed the guitar and began strumming it.

"I'm a maniac!  A maniac!" yelled Zoda with glee.  On the landing pad, Obi-Wan chopped a droid and watched as Zoda went zooming by on the Infiltrator, which was trailing fire.

"He truly is crazy," said Obi-Wan.

"Hyperdrive's fixed, let's go," said Panaka.  Obi-Wan and Kit ran towards the ship.

"You coming?" asked Obi-Wan to the wookies.  They all shook their heads and began battling their way away from the pad.

"Zoda quit goofing off, we gotta go!" shouted Obi-Wan.  Zoda shrugged and leapt off the ship just as Darth Maul was about to tackle him.  Darth Maul skidded to the front of the ship and barely managed to stop himself from falling off.  He looked ahead of him and watched the trees coming right at him as the ship began plummeting.  He screamed in silence as the ship smashed through the branches and exploded.

"Damn kids, don't even know how to fly their own ships without parental supervision," said Zoda watching the fireball.  He then ran onto the ship as it took off away from the droids.  The ship blasted away from the planet and headed towards its hyperspace jump point.

"Are you sure I shouldn't be flying this ship. We know what happened the last time you flew," said Zoda to Ric Olie.

"I'll be fine, I swear.  I won't make the same mistakes as before," said Ric.

"Then why are flying towards the droid control ship!  Fly away from it you bonehead!" shouted Zoda as the Cruiser headed for the core ship.

"I-uh-I-um…Well you see…I don't know know, I just feel compelled to fly towards it and sudden death," said Ric.

"Oh for the love of…get him out of here I'm taking over," said Zoda.  Several guards barely managed to drag Ric from his seat as Zoda flung the ship to the right sending everyone else flying backwards as the inertial compensators couldn't match the abruptness of the turn.

"You know I don't like it when you do that," said Obi-Wan.

"Sorry Obi-Wan, I forgot you don't like flying," said Zoda as he slammed the afterburners on and the ship blasted off through space as the Core ship chased after them.

"I don't mind flying, but what you're doing is suicide!" shouted Obi-Wan as Zoda began barrel rolling the ship and flying in a totally erratic pattern.  Then the droid control ship opened fire on the Cruiser.

"Blast!  This is why I hate flying!" shouted Obi-Wan.

"Ah quite complaining!  You should know that I don't care," said Zoda.  He poured everything the ship had into its engines and rocketed off leaving the Core Ship behind.

"Hyperspace go!  Woohoo!" shouted Zoda.  He pulled back on the hyperspace lever and the stars streaked back and the ship rocketed into hyperspace leaving Kashyyk behind and blazed towards Coruscant.


	3. Crap on Coruscant and Nonsense on Naboo

Anguirus111 Note: I like seeing Zoda and Yoda's personalities bounce off of each other because they're so different yet both so similar.  It's hilarious!

Coruscant: The Queen's ship came flying out of hyperspace and zoomed towards the planet.

"Coruscant, how I love coming back to it again and again and again and again," said Zoda before fake vomiting.

"I love it, it's a mirth of various cultures and ideas," said Padme.

"It blows!  Oh Coruscant, how did I hate thee let me count the ways: 1. You suck!  2.You house the worthless Senate that doesn't do anything!.  3. You suck!  4.," said Zoda.

"Would you cut that out?  Let's just enjoy the view," said Padme.

"What view?  It's a city for god sakes!  As soon as we get there, I'm reporting in and taking my Starfighter for parts unknown," said Zoda leaning back in his chair.  The ship cruised over the various buildings towards the landing pad.

"I hope that I can appeal to the Senate to help my planet," said Padme unconvinced.

"Good luck then and may the force be with you," said Obi-Wan shrugging.

"Ah you're better off talking to a wall, at least it won't screw you over somehow like the damn Council will.  I swear those idiots can only decide on what food will be at the luncheons.  The Senate sucks plain and simple.  Sorry Queeny, but I tell it like it is," said Zoda.

"Don't you care what happens to her planet?" asked Obi-Wan incredulously.

"I'm a Jedi, I'm not paid to care, just to get the job done.  Okay Queeny, good luck, but I'm not getting my hopes up and you're better off leaving now and forming your own resistance against the Federation.  The senate are nothing but sheep and if an evil herder appears, bad things can only come as a result," said Zoda.  The ship landed on the platform and the group exited and faced Chancellor Valorum and Senator Palpatine.

"Dude's definitely got a few screws loose," said Zoda about Palpatine.

"Shhh," said Obi-Wan.  Palpatine looked at them.

"_If you only knew_," he thought.  He then put on a big smile.

"My lady, we're so grateful to see that you're still alive.  After we lost contact with Naboo we feared the worst.  Luckily your ambassadors seemed to have saved you.  Thank you ambassadors," said Palpatine with a smile.

"Burn in hell," said Zoda as he left with the three Jedi in a nearby speeder.  Palpatine merely scowled as they flew off and walked with the Queen into a transport and it flew off towards the Senate.

"That was rude," said Obi-Wan.

"Senators cannot be trusted.  He probably didn't care if she survived or not.  Whatever, I've just got to go to the temple, file my report and get the hell out of here," said Zoda.  He flew the speeder to the front of the temple and the group disembarked and entered into the temple.

"How about this Obi-Wan, you file the report, I'll just be going now," said Zoda walking off.  Obi-Wan stopped him with the Force.

"You were the leader of the mission, you have to file the report.  I can't," said Obi-Wan.

"Stupid procedure," said Zoda.  They entered into the turbolift and it ascended to the Council chambers.

Chamber: Yoda was mysteriously absent, but the Council was still abuzz.

"I got fifty bucks that says Yoda attacks Zoda.  Any takers?" asked Plo  Koon.  Several other members took up that offer.

"Not a chance," said Mace Windu "I got sixty that says Zoda attacks him!"  Again more bets were made and taken as to whether the two would battle it out.  Then the turbolift doors opened and Zoda walked out with Obi-Wan and Kit Fisto.

"Ta da!" shouted Zoda as he slid into the chambers.  He looked around looking cocky when he noticed his uncle not there.  Sighing, he pulled out a pair of shades and put them on.

"What good is an entrance if there's no one to piss off with it?  No matter, I'll make my report and leave before el gringo shows up.  Okay so first we," began Zoda.

"Not so fast, el Diablo.  Arrived I have," said Yoda walking into the chambers.  Yoda didn't sit in his seat and both started pacing each other.

"Disappointed I am.  Failed your mission you have, but not your fault it is.  Angry this makes me," said Yoda.  Zoda laughed.

"And I suppose you wanted me to fail," said Zoda with a smile on his face.

"Yes," said Yoda.  Zoda shrugged.

"Figures.  I get no respect," he said.  Yoda stood in front of him so that they were face to face.

"One day, cross the line you will.  And again I will kick you out of the order…forever," said Yoda walking to his seat.

"You're threats mean nothing to me.  Every time you've kicked me out, I've done something to make you want me to come back," said Zoda.

"You've been kicked out before?" asked Obi-Wan wide-eyed.  Zoda turned to face him.

"Yep.  Five times," said Zoda.  Yoda sat in his seat.

"Give us your report you must," he said drinking down some aspirin.  Then he took the whole bottle and emptied its contents into his mouth.

"That can't be healthy," said Zoda looking slightly sick.

"This matter is not of concern.  Your report," said Yoda.  Zoda shrugged.

"Alright.  Put simply we arrived at Naboo and the Trade Federation blew up our diplomatic ship.  We proceeded to gallantly rescue the Queen and take her to Kashyyyk due to a broken hyperdrive.  There we obtained one and fought off the Trade Federation once and more before heading off and arriving here.  Then I encountered you and we argued and then," said Zoda grinning ear to ear.

"Quiet!" shouted Yoda.  Zoda just shook his head.

"You asked for a report, I'm not down!" said Zoda.

"Yes you are!" shouted Yoda.  Zoda thought about it.

"Well, maybe I am.  Seems like I'm forgetting something.  Now what was it?" asked Zoda to himself as he began pondering the question.

"Obi-Wan, is this true?" asked Yoda.  Obi-Wan shrugged.

"I don't know about the gallantly rescuing the queen part, but otherwise it's factual," said Obi-Wan.

"Kit?" asked Yoda.  Kit nodded.  Yoda sighed.

"Anything else?" he asked.  Zoda suddenly remembered what it was.

"Oh yeah, I fought a Sith Lord on Kashyyk," he said.  The council looked at him disbelieving.

"It's true," Zoda said.  The council members looked at each other.

"Impossible, the sith have been extinct for a millennia," said Ki-Adi-Mundi.

"Are you calling me a liar?" demanded Zoda.

"I do not think the sith could have returned without our knowing," said Mace Windu.

"You are calling me a liar!  I don't believe this!" shouted Zoda.  Yoda looked at him.

"Thought it was a Sith Lord, you may have.  But it cannot be," said Yoda.

"I don't believe this!  If Qui-Gon had encountered him instead of me you would've believed him!  I wouldn't lie about such things!" shouted Zoda.

"Perhaps it was an impersonator?" broached Ki-Adi-Mundi.

"Indeed and where is your proof of this attacker?" asked Mace.

"Probably scattered across half of New Bark Town," said Zoda.

"Where?" Yoda asked.

"The town we stayed in at Kashyyyk," said Zoda.

"I didn't know it was called that," said Obi-Wan.

"I guess I forgot to mention it," said Zoda shrugging "Either way, I was attacked by a Sith and by using my powers in the Force, I defeated him by crashing his own vessel," said Zoda.

"Sure you did," said Yoda with a smile on his face.

"Do you doubt me?" Zoda asked.  Yoda leaned forward.

"I do of course," he said.  Zoda turned absolutely adamant and the two stared at each other for several minutes in silence.

"Here it comes.  Now we see who wins the bet," Mace whispered to Plo Koon.

"You have insulted my honor!  I challenge you to a duel!" shouted Zoda snapping out his dual dueling sabers.  Yoda huffed.

"No match for me you are.  Not worth my effort.  Go, take temporary leave as the council decides the validity of your information," said Yoda.  Zoda walked away from him.

"Don't forget uncle, hard to see the darkside is," said Zoda angrily before leaving into the turbolift.  Yoda sighed.

"So who won?" asked Mace to the council.

Senate: Padme had pleaded to the Senate and sow how the Chancellor had rebuked her attempt to send help to Naboo.

"_Just like Zoda said would happen,_" thought Padme grimly.

"Will you withdraw you motion?" asked Valorum.  Padme sighed.

"_What would Zoda do?  I guess there's only one choice,_" she thought.

"I am withdrawing Naboo from the Republic.  If you will not help us then we will hire rogues and mercenaries to attack the Trade Federation if you will not," said Padme.  Palpatine looked at her shocked.

"What about the vote of no-confidence?" he asked.

"I have faith in Valorum, not in the senate," said Padme as the platform withdrew back its berth.  Palpatine scowled.

"_There go my plans…those Jedi will pay for this for corrupting Padme's mind,_" thought Palpatine.

Roof of the Jedi Temple: Zoda was calmly smacking balls of the roof with a metal club.  Obi-Wan walked out to join him.

"What're you doing?" he asked.

"Golfing, it calms my nerves," said Zoda.  He smacked another ball of the roof and it fell with a crash of glass into someone's apartment and an alien obscenity soon followed.  Obi-Wan looked at Zoda.

"Doesn't that piss people off?" he asked.  Zoda put another ball on the roof and hit it.

"I've been doing this for 275 years, believe me, the people there know its coming," said Zoda.

"Haven't they complained?" asked Obi-Wan.  Zoda smashed yet another ball off into the air.

"Sure, for the past 275 years.  But a little mind trick and lightsaber action has pretty much ended any complains quickly and efficiently," said Zoda.

"Oh," said Obi-Wan.  Zoda set another ball down.

"You wanta try?" asked Zoda.  Obi-Wan shrugged.

"I really don't know," said Obi-Wan.  Zoda handed him a driver in Obi-Wan's size.

"Try it.  It couldn't hurt," said Zoda while nearby, a massive freighter slowly creeped along above the buildings.

"Okay," said Obi-Wan.  He hit the ball and it flew off to the left.

"Ah sithspit ya sliced it!" shouted Zoda.  The ball curved and smashed into the freighter.  A few seconds past and then the rear of the ship exploded and it smashed down into the buildings in front of the temple.  A massive disturbance hit them and then stopped as fire began burning down several blocks of the city.

"What do I do?" Obi-Wan asked helplessly.

"Run!" shouted Zoda.  Obi-Wan and Zoda ran off in opposite directions.

Council Chambers: The Council was watching as the fire inferno began raging.

"Get this idiot for this, I will," said Yoda growling.

Across town: A yellow speeder zoomed through the skyways as the fire raged in the background.

"The council is going to have our hides for this," said Zoda as the speeder zoomed through the traffic.

"So what do you suggest we do now?" asked Obi-Wan.

"I haven't the slightest idea.  We can't back to the Temple for at least 24-48 hours.  So we'd best get as far away as possible," said Zoda.

"Yeah but where?" asked Obi-Wan.  Their radio crackled to life.

"This just in, Queen Amidala has denounced the senate and is heading back to Naboo in order to fight off the Trade Federation," said the announcer.  Obi-Wan turned to Zoda.

"An opportunity presents itself," he said.

"I was thinking the same thing," said Zoda.  Their speeder rushed off towards the Queen's Landing Platform.

Platform, later in the day: Queen Amidala took one last look at the Coruscant's nightlife from the platform.

"Come you highness, we must get going," said Panaka.  Padme nodded with tears in her eyes.

"I just thought I'd enjoy one last moment of peace before we go and…I'm sorry," said Padme breaking down into tears.  Panaka helped her to the ship, but right before they got there they heard a strange whine.  They turned around saw a speeder with smoke pouring out its front, fly through the air, crash down on the platform, and go skidding off.  Padme and Panaka ran over to the end of the platform as two figures hoisted themselves up.

"Zoda, Obi-Wan!  You came!" she said.  Zoda and Obi-Wan began coughing on the smoke that they'd inhaled.

"That's putting it mildy.  Ah crap that hurt," said Zoda as he held his sides.

"You shouldn't have driven that fast," Obi-Wan complained.

"If I didn't she'd have left and then we'd be screwed," said Zoda.

"Screwed how?  I don't understand," said Padme.

"Well you see, the council told us at the last minute to protect you on your journey," said Zoda.

"Are you sure?  I already was assigned a Jedi protector," said Padme.

"What?" Obi-Wan and Zoda said.  They then saw Kit walk down the steps.

"What the hell are you doing here?" the three Jedi said.  The all were taken aback.

"What I am doing here?  I asked you first, what are you doing here?" they all said.

"The Jedi Council assigned me here," they all said.  They all took a step back.

"Liar!" they all said.

"No you're the liar!" they all said.

"How dare you accuse me of being a liar!" they all shouted.

"Would you cut it out!  Who was assigned by the council?" asked Padme.

"I was!" all three shouted.

"Look!  I don't care who was assigned, three Jedi are better than two, let's go," she said.  The four of them boarded and the craft and it took off towards Naboo.

Coruscant, Jedi Temple, Council Chambers: "How do you explain your padawan's actions?" demanded Yoda.  They were all watching Obi-Wan hit the golf ball and then the freighter exploding.

"With all due respect, his slice is pretty bad," said Qui-Gon.  Yoda growled.

"Find Zoda and Obi-Wan immediately!" he demanded.

"I don't think we need to hurry, there they are," said Plo Koon.  Yoda spun around to see a videofeed showing Zoda and Obi-Wan boarding the Queen's ship and it blasting off.  Yoda growled in anger.

"Send everyone after them we will!  Get Zoda!!!!" shouted Yoda running off along with several other Jedi to the hanger room.  Down in the bay, Depot watched the commotion going on with curiosity.  Then it heard the announcement.

"All able Jedi are to go to their starfighters and go to Naboo to arrest Jedi Knight Zoda.  This is a direct order from Master Yoda," said the announcement.  Depot gave a mournful wail for his master.  Then it made up its mind that it had to do something.  A few minutes later several Jedi ran into the bay and boarded their Starfighters and blasted off.  Outside, pedestrians watched the dozens upon dozens of Jedi Starfighters leaving the temple.

"Someone must've done something to piss off the entire Jedi Order," said a pedestrian.

"Or just pissed off Master Yoda," said another pedestrian.  They thought about it for a couple seconds.

"Must've been Zoda," said the first pedestrian.

"Yep," said the other.  Then they parted ways and walked down the street.  Above the planet, the starfighters docked with their hyperspace rings and blasted off.  Mace went to dock with hyperspace ring 4 and found it mysteriously missing.  He shrugged, putting it off to malfunctioning circuitry and took another one and blasted off towards Naboo.

Hyperspace, Padme's ship: "I am so screwed," said a drunken Zoda drinking down some wine.

"Shouldn't I be saying that?" Padme asked.  Zoda shook his head glumly.

"Nope, not by a long shot.  All you've got is several thousand droids after your head.  Me, I've got a few hundred Jedi after my head.  You've got it so easy you haven't a clue," said Zoda.

"Why are the Jedi after you?" asked Padme pouring him some caf.  Zoda shrugged.

"I haven't the faintest idea.  They hate me because I know too much, or at the very least can accept what they cannot," said Zoda.

"Which is what exactly?" asked Obi-Wan.  Tears swelled up in Zoda's eyes.

"That the Jedi are dying.  We've lost touch with the Force and we have for a very long time now.  You want to know why I was kicked out of the order five times?  I'll tell you why.  The Senate has used Jedi to do their dirty work and I always protest it, I always have.  I refuse to be the Senate's lackey.  I've done everything I can to stop the Senate from controlling the Jedi, I've threatened people, I've killed people, and for what?  They kick me out because they say I'm insane.  Well low and behold I go and I fix the Senate's problems because the Senate is so wrapped up in themselves and are so stuck in procedure that they need to rely on a rogue Jedi to save them.  It's not much longer for someone to realize just how screwed we are and destroy us, it's sad, it really is, but it's the truth and there's not a damn thing you or I can do about it.  The Jedi are dead, long live the Jedi!" said Zoda.  He drank his caf and immediately spewed it out.

"What the hell is wrong with the caf these days!  This tastes like Bantha Poodoo!  No offense Queeny," Zoda said.  Padme merely smiled.

"I don't blame you, most people can't take Nubian Caf, but somehow the Trade Federation can.  I guess that's why they attacked us," said Padme.

"Maybe," said Zoda unconvinced.  He held his hand in front of his face and flicked it back and forth.

"What did you do?" asked Padme.  Zoda looked at her fully alert.

"I just got rid of the alcohol in my blood.  Get ready, we're coming out of hyperspace soon, I'll be in the cockpit," said Zoda walking off.  Padme sighed watching him go.

"Does it scare you about what he says?" asked Padme to Obi-Wan.  Obi-Wan grimly nodded.

"It does.  He might sound crazy, but he's not.  The Jedi Council has done dozens of tests on him over the years to determine if he's crazy or not.  But he isn't.  Zoda is as sane as they come," said Obi-Wan.  He pulled out his lightsaber and turned it on.  He swung it back and forth watching it maneuver in the air.

"Could I see it?" asked Padme.  Obi-Wan seemed to regard her question carefully.

"I don't know, a Jedi's weapon is his life, he shouldn't be able to part with it.  The lightsaber's not a weapon, but an extension of his personality," said Obi-Wan.

"Just this once?" asked Padme.  Obi-Wan sighed.

"Okay, I guess," he said.  He turned it off and handed it to Padme who promptly turned it on.  She took a couple of practice swings and then turned it off and handed it back to Obi-Wan.

"It's quite a weapon," she said.  Obi-Wan nodded.

"It's a formidable weapon for a more civilized age, not as clumsy or as random as a blaster, but it gets the job done," said Obi-Wan.  He turned to leave.

"Thanks for coming to help," said Padme.  Obi-Wan smiled.

"I'm a Jedi, it's my job," he said.

"I know," said Padme.  She gave a quick peck on the cheek and walked off leaving Obi-Wan to his thoughts.

Bridge: Ric was alone in the cockpit as the ship hurtled through hyperspace.

"_Five more minutes and then we face our destiny_," he thought as he looked at the gages reading various numbers.  He then heard the door open and he looked behind him but didn't really see anybody.  He shrugged and turned back and relaxed in his chair.

"Hiya Ric," said Zoda at the top of Ric's headrest.  Ric sat up with a start and began patting his chest as if to calm down.

"Z-Z-Z-oda, I didn't see you come in," said Ric appearing to look busy.  Zoda nodded.

"I trust you won't be flying at any Federation ships?" Zoda asked still hanging from Ric's headrest.

"No, no of course I not.  I promise you, those days are over," said Ric.

"Let's hope so.  I say this because I believe in the three strikes and you're out policy.  You already have two strikes, don't make it three for three," said Zoda.

"Or else what, you'll kill me with a bat?" he asked frightened.  Zoda laughed.

"I'm not that uncivilized Ric," said Zoda laughing.  Ric calmed down immediately.

"Oh good," he said.

Shrummm!  Ric turned to his right and saw a green lightsaber blade pressed against his neck.

"I'll kill you with this instead," said Zoda.  Ric's eyes went wide-open.

"But I thought you were more civilized than killing people," he said.

"I said I'm not as uncivilized to use a bat.  I'm more civilized by using a lightsaber, it requires less energy and is much more efficient.  Now pay attention, we're coming out of hyperspace," said Zoda.  He hopped off of Ric's headrest and walked over to another seat as Panaka, Obi-Wan, Kit Fisto, and Padme walked in.

"Exiting hyperspace," said Ric.  The Royal Cruiser flew out of hyperspace and headed towards the planet.

"I'm picking up one ship," said Ric.

"One ship?" asked Padme.

"The war's over, no need for more," said Obi-Wan grimly.

"It's the droid control ship and they've most definitely spotted us," said Ric.

"Land this thing and we'll go from there," said Zoda.  The ship flew in and landed amongst the trees.  Outside the ship was a familiar Gungan.

"Ah hell!  Not you again!" shouted Zoda.  Jar Jar looked at them funny.

"Whose is yousa?" he asked.  Zoda groaned as Padme walked up to him.

"Young gungan, I need your help," she said.

A few hours later: Padme had made peace with the Gungans and they were preparing an army to head for a meadow outside Theed to lure the droid armies outside the city.

"Wait, tell me that again.  You expect us, the three jedi, and give or take fifty Royal Security Guards to battle the remaining droids and capture the viceroy while the rest fly into space to attack the droid control ship?" asked Zoda incredulously.

"Yes," said Padme sure of her plan.

"Excuse me while I go kill myself," said Zoda walking off.

"What's wrong with it?" she asked.

"Simple, no one is going to survive this suicide mission of yours.  It's hinges too much on capturing the Viceroy alive.  That's the problem, it'll be too hard to find and locate him in your palace," said Zoda.

"You have a better idea?" asked Padme crossing her arms.

"Blow it up," said Zoda.

"My palace?" asked Padme incredulously.

"No, Theed," said Zoda absolutely serious.

"We can't blow up the capital city!" shouted Panaka.

"Why not?" demanded Zoda.

"We don't have enough explosives to do that much damage.  Besides, we can't destroy our own capital!  If we capture the Viceroy we can have very little destruction," said Panaka.

"You haven't rigged your city to explode?" asked Zoda.

"No!  That's preposterous!" shouted Panaka.  Zoda just shook his head in disbelief.

"Okay then, let's go get ourselves killed," said Zoda rubbing his hands together.  Then a soldier ran up to them.

"We're picking up a ship approaching, we don't know what class," said the soldier.  Everyone ran and grabbed their weapons as they heard an engine whine.  Then they saw a wedge shaped fighter flash by overhead and land.

"What is that?" asked Padme.  A loud electronic raspberry was heard.

"It can't be!  It is!  Depot you came!" shouted Zoda running over to his Jedi Starfighter.  He kissed the piece of metal with a grin on his face.

"Ha, ha!  Now we might accomplish this mission!  I'll provide air support!" shouted Zoda.  The group just looked at him like he was craze while he hopped in his ship and took off in it as the rest of them piled into speeders and headed towards Theed while elsewhere the Trade Federation was attacking the Gungans.

Theed, several minutes later: Several droids were minding their own business when a speeder appeared and fired on them.  Instantly the droids returned fire when they too were attacked by a wedge-shaped starfighter flying overhead.

"Eat hot plasma droids!" shouted Zoda.  He spun his fighter through a few loops and returned fire.  Padme and company meanwhile were battling their way into the hanger and began slicing droids.

"Get to your ships!" shouted Padme.  The pilots ran to their ships as more droids entered into the bay and began firing.

"We can't hold them all off!" shouted Obi-Wan swinging his lightsaber left and right.  The more droidekas entered and surrounded the group.

"Halt!  Put your projectile weapons on the ground," said one of the droids.  The group looked at each other helpless.

"Does that include me?" asked Zoda.  The group spun around to see Zoda sitting on the front of his ship eating some food.

"All units open," began the droid.

"Let 'em have it Depot!" shouted Zoda.  The starfighter began firing and mowing down the various droids.  When it had finished it landed in the bay while more N-1 starfighters left the hanger.  Zoda hopped off and faced the group.

"Let's move," he said unsheathing his lightsaber.

"It's a normal lightsaber, I'm in shock.  I thought all your sabers had custom modifications made to them," said Obi-Wan.  Zoda shrugged while holding his green saber.

"It's my original, I call it Ol' Faithful.  It's never let me down and it's not about to now," said Zoda.  He swung his lightsaber around and then the group headed towards a pair of sliding doors.  They parted to reveal a cloaked figure.

"Old red eyes is back I see," said Zoda swinging his saber back and forth.  Darth Maul merely growled at him.

"You will pay for disgracing me!" he said.

"Somehow I doubt it.  The rest of you, go get the viceroy, I'll deal with this poser," said Zoda.  The rest of the group ran off to get to the viceroy while Darth Maul yanked out his dual edged lightsaber.

"Impressive, mind if I do you one better?" Zoda asked.  Darth Maul looked at him quizzically while Zoda yanked out his tri-fecta lightsaber.

"Let's dance," said Zoda.  He leapt up into the air and the two began fiercely battling in the bay as more N-1's vacated the hanger.  They both swung this sabers so hard that sparks began flying whenever the clashed.

"My apologizes, you're pretty decent.  Course I'm better but," said Zoda as he had to finish his sentence and avoid a slash from the other saber.  They began battling towards a pair of doors that lead outside the bay, but Zoda caught onto his strategy so when Darth Maul force pushed a piece of wreckage towards the door, Zoda caught it with the force and flung it away.

"I'm not going to lead you, you'll just have to follow me," said Zoda.  He leapt up in the air and landed on an N-1 that hadn't been taken, up on the second row.  Darth Maul growled in anger and leapt up into the air as well.  He landed on an N-1 next to Zoda and had to carefully balance himself or he would've fallen off.

"Now you see what being short is occasionally a blessing," Zoda said.  Then the began clashing with Zoda standing on the engine of one N-1 while Darth Maul was on the engine of the one next to it.  Zoda slashed back and forth, but Darth Maul was up to the challenge and deflected his attacks.  Zoda then leapt up and over Darth Maul and landed on the other side of his N-1.  Zoda and Darth Maul continued to go at it and managed to slice open the top of the N-1 with their sabers.  Then Darth Maul maneuvered so that he was standing above the cockpit while Zoda was balanced at the very front.

"Impressive, I have nowhere to run," said Zoda.  Darth Maul leapt at him, but Zoda stood his ground and began clashing once more with lightsabers.  They each hit with exceptional strength and slashed back and forth.  Zoda managed to slash Darth Maul's arm so that it gave a huge blister, but he gave himself an unprotected area and Darth Maul booted him off the N-1.  Zoda fell with a crash to the bay floor.  He looked up to see Darth Maul flying straight at him with his lightsaber being used as a spear.  Time seemed to slow down as Zoda did a backwards roll and pushed himself up with the force and land on one of the only first rack N-1's on the opposite side of the bay while Darth Maul crashed where he had been.  Zoda wiped a piece of blood from his mouth and held his lightsaber at the ready.

"You know, I noticed your eyes were red, apparently they're bloodshot.  You should know that a little sleep will cure that up right away," said Zoda laughing.  Darth Maul growled and leapt up towards him while Zoda launched himself across the bay and wound up on an N-1 on the third rack while Darth Maul was on the first rack N-1.  The two looked at each other for a few moments and then leapt towards each other lightsabers flashing off of the sun's rays.

Elsewhere: Obi-Wan, Kit Fisto, Padme, Panaka, and several security guards were fighting their way towards the Queen's chamber as more droids appeared and opened fire.  Nearby, smoke was seen from explosions rocked by the Trade Federation.

Above: The N-1's were putting up a valiant fight, but ultimately it was in vain.  The droid control ship's weapons were too strong.

"It's going to take a miracle to save us know," said one of the pilots.

Elsewhere: Zoda and Darth Maul had left the bay and were no fighting in the area next to it was dozens of catwalks.  They were leaping off of them to various others as the slashed at each other with their lightsabers as they flew past.  Already they were bleeding from several areas with various cuts, but they still weren't giving up.  They slashed and jabbed and flipped and soared, and still they fought on.

"You know, that red perfectly matches your facial paint," said Zoda as they began battling on a single stairwell.  Zoda spun a couple of times and then somehow got the bright idea to cut the catwalk so Darth Maul would plummet to his doom.  Zoda cut the walkway, but nothing happened.

"Damnit!" he shouted as Darth Maul looked at him quizzically.  Then the whole catwalk started to break apart.

"Ah crap!" shouted Zoda as the catwalk broke and they both plummeted.

Battle: "There's too many of them!" someone shouted.  More droids starfighters were entering the melee.

"We've lost," said another pilot.  Then their proximity sirens went off as hundreds of Jedi starfighters came flying out of hyperspace.

"We're saved!" shouted a pilot.  Then the starfighters proceeded to pass the battle and fly on towards the planet.

"Where're they going?" another pilot asked.

Federation Battleship: "Oh no Jedi!  I told Nute we'd be screwed.  We're leaving, anyone against this plan?" asked Rune.  No one said anything so they Trade Federation ship blasted off into hyperspace.

"We won!" shouted several pilots.

Ground: The Gungans were celebrating due to their winning of the battle when the droids shutdown following the Control Ship flying off into hyperspace.

Queen's Chamber: Nute was watching in panic as all the droids shutdown around him.  Then a lightsaber cut through the door panel and it zipped open.  The group walked in except for Obi-Wan who bumped his head on the top of the door that hadn't opened all the way.

"Ow!  That'll leave a mark," he said holding his head.

"You little insurrection is at end Viceroy.  Now we will discuss a new treaty," said Padme.

"I will not agree," said Nute.  Padme yanked Obi-Wan's lightsaber from his belt and flicked it on.  She pointed it at Nute.

"I little thing I learned from Jedi Knight Zoda, it's called Aggressive Negotiations and it involves a lightsaber.  Don't make me get aggressive," she said.  Nute gulped as he stared down the lightsaber's shaft.

Bay: The various Jedi Starfighters landed inside the bay and outside on the streets.

"Fan out and find the Queen and Zoda," said Mace.  The Jedi ran out in various directions to do Mace's orders.

Catwalk Area: Way down at the bottom of the whole area, the two pieces of the catwalk were scattered about.  Nearby, Zoda emerged from a cloud of dust, coughing.

"That was a bad idea," he said.  Nearby he saw Darth Maul stand up with various wounds as well.  They stood up and looked at each other.  They both snapped out their hands and called their weapons to their hands.  Zoda and Darth Maul both twirled their hilts before turning on their weapons.  To Zoda's surprise, two red blades emerged from his while Darth Maul's was sky blue.

"This isn't mine!  No matter, since we've seen the others weapon in action, now we'll see how well the other can handle it," said Zoda.  He leapt into the air and swung his new lightsaber while Darth Maul whipped out Zoda's and ignited the two ends and pulled the hilts apart to reveal the third blade.  With psychotic grins on their faces, they leapt towards each other and began battling anew.

Bay: "Zoda was here alright," said Yoda.  They were in the bay looking at the various cuts and scratches.

"How do you know?" Mace asked.  Yoda pointed to a capital Z on the wall.

"Look, the mark of Zoda this is.  He was here," said Yoda walking off.  Nearby, Obi-Wan and Kit were brought in by other Jedi.

"Look, do with us what you will, but Zoda's fighting that Sith Lord he told us about earlier.  He could potentially be in mortal danger," said Obi-Wan.  Mace snapped out his electrum lightsaber when Zoda held his hand up.

"Deal with this I will.  Alone!" he said.  Yoda looked around and saw a hole in a wall above an N-1.  He walked over to a pair of doors and walked through them.  He looked around and noticed the missing catwalk.  He then looked way down into the darkness at the bottom and saw little lights battling each other.  Zoda sighed.

"Be the death of me, my nephew will," said Zoda sighing.  He then dropped off the catwalk.

Bottom: Zoda was doing his best to fight off Darth Maul, but the dual saber's hilt was just too big for him to properly handle.  Luckily Darth Maul didn't have that problem, but handling a tri-fecta lightsaber was a little bit tricky.  They clashed again and again, once more with sparks flying, but as much as Zoda didn't want to admit it, he was weakening.

"_Maybe if I unleash my anger...no!  The darkside is never the answer!  I will fight this opponent with the light side of the force, there is no honor for those who resort to anger to win a battle_," Zoda thought.  Then Darth Maul managed to maneuver Zoda so that his lightsaber was pointed at an awkward angle so Darth Maul gave him a big kick and sent him flying into a pile of debris.  Then Darth Maul recalled his own lightsaber and soon held his dual edged saber and Zoda' tri-fecta in the other hand.

"Looks like this is it.  Goodbye unc," said Zoda as Darth Maul raced at him with both sabers.  He swung both of them at Zoda but then there was a flash of green and Darth Maul found him facing Supreme Jedi Master Yoda who was fending off both blades.

"BACK AWAY FROM MY NEPHEW!" shouted Yoda.  He fought off both blades and force pushed Darth Maul back while also grabbing Zoda's lightsaber and handing it back to Zoda who was standing up.

"You didn't have to do that.  You should've let me die and ended your misery," said Zoda igniting his saber.

"Thicker than water, blood is.  Deal with this sith lord, we will.  Together," said Yoda.

"So be it, Jedi," said Darth Maul.  He leapt at them while Zoda and Yoda leapt at him as well.  A fierce melee ensued, but Zoda and Yoda were so in tune with each other's abilities due to years of sparring against each other, that they fended off Darth Maul.  Then Yoda smashed Darth Maul's saber in two and Zoda threw his lightsaber at Darth Maul and it pierced his chest, killing him.  Zoda then retrieved his lightsaber and he and Yoda stood face to face.

"Like old times eh unc?" asked Zoda.  Yoda sighed.

"Unfortunately," he said.  Zoda laughed.

"You say that like it was bad thing," he said.  This time Yoda sighed.

"Let's go," he said.  They both leapt up into the air and headed towards the bay.

Theed, outside: The Chancellor's transport landed on one of Theed's streets.  The ramp lowered and Valorum walked out towards Amidala.

"Your majesty, I am sorry for the ways of the Senate.  They finally saw their error when pictures were broadcast to the Senate of your battle against the droids.  Please return to the senate and accept our humble apologies.  Oh yes, and send a new senator, Palpatine has disappeared," said Valorum.

"I will return, and perhaps I will be that senator when my term as Queen is up.  But how did you get video footage?  I sent no transmissions," said Padme.  Valorum looked at her curiously.

"It was broadcast from a ship flying over Theed as you fought the droids.  I thought it was one of your pilots," said Valorum.  Padme thought about it then it occurred to her.

"_Zoda_," she thought.  She glanced across the square and saw Zoda looking at her.  She waved and he waved back and then walked off.  Padme smiled.

"_You came through in the end_," she thought.  She then walked with Valorum towards the Queen's palace.

Elsewhere: Zoda, Obi-Wan, and Yoda were walking down a Theed street littered with droids.

"Always with you it cannot be done," said Yoda.  Zoda shrugged.

"It's not weighing heavily on my conscience, or yours.  You've known that for your years.  That's why you didn't teach me.  'The boy has no patience' I believe you told my parents.  Hence you appointed me to Psychotic Sam.  Nice going on that one," Zoda said.

"And what of today's events?  Adventure, heh, excitement, heh, a Jedi craves not these things!" said Yoda.

"Well I do uncle, accept it.  I'm not your typical run of Jedi.  I'm an adventurer and an explorer, accept it," said Zoda.

"You are reckless!" said Zoda.

"So was I if you remember," said Obi-Wan.  Yoda sighed.

"Making this easier you are not," said Yoda.

"I'm a padawan, I'm reckless," said Obi-Wan.  Yoda shook his head.

"Due to your…initiative, a Jedi Knight you now are," said Yoda.  Obi-Wan's eyes went wide-open.

"Do not become as pathetic a Jedi as this one," said Yoda pointing to Zoda.  He then walked off towards Mace Windu.

"And work on that slice, Jedi Knight Kenobi.  We must team up again sometime," said Zoda.

"I certainly hope not," said Obi-Wan.  Zoda shrugged and walked off towards his Jedi Starfighter as several more took off.

Space: Hundreds of Starfighters flew into space and attached to their hyperdrive rings and zoomed off into hyperspace.  Zoda zoomed towards his ring when suddenly another starfighter cut him off and attached to it.

"What's the big idea buddy?  That's my ring!" shouted Zoda.

"Unfortunate for you, destroyed my ring was.  Taking yours I am, Master privileges.  Have fun on Naboo!  Oh, forget not that only accept Republic Credits they do," said Yoda laughing as his ship launched into hyperspace.  Zoda looked around helplessly, but there were no more rings.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted.


End file.
